Aching Faith

Who else struggles with faith and trust?

I bet a lot of us do.

I find joy to be my greatest challenge. I’m overall a happy human - but find life’s hurts as my crutch and my excuse for being pessimistic. That’s a coping mechanism that I’ve seen layers of HEALED through splankna myself. But there’s always more. Always.

I read yesterday that trust is linked to joy. And it isn’t fair for my close ones to have to work their booties off to earn my trust, when the reality is, it’s my own trauma to rid — not theirs. (Sound familiar to anyone?)

So if you’re anything like me, I’m not just sharing this for the world to know my personal life. Lol, not worth it to me. But i share in hopes that you will understand the whole hearted redemption i believe in because i have Jesus as my friend. I share this because it’s genuinely difficult for me to trust the motives of many humans because of all of the backstabbing I’ve lived through. I share because i understand the weight of the questioning and the *having faith* in where i am at, and the lack of faith in where i should be.

And I’m not sharing this having come out fully on the other side, I’m sharing this with the authority of being able to say, “me too.” So that you know you really are not alone. So that you know that there actually is hope right in the middle of the aching. Because eventually if we keeeeep on pressing and keep praying those prayers of honesty and hope — we WILL conquer: this apathy, this hurt, this lack of trust, this paranoia, this fear, this depression, this social anxiety, this hopelessness, this unbelief.

We will, because I’ve seen it with my own eyes and i know we aren’t destined for doom, but we are destined for the death of our own heaviness.

Beauty from ashes, it’s a promise.

~ p.elise