chronic illness.

in a world full of noise, it’s okay to use your voice, and i want to bring to light chronic illness.

i will lighten the load of words and leave you with an insight into my day, reminding you that many around you suffer of this leech of sorts. it holds on until it lets go, and often times the let go comes after a long fight, or maybe not at all.

as one who believes solely in healing the root cause of every symptom, i still name my bodies cry for help — lupus, inflammatory arthritis, and raynauds, to make better sense of it all. my doctors even tell me i’m at risk for a heart attack because my cholesterol is so high… goodness give me patience as I digest these heavy weighted words and come to the reality of my own bodies alarm… and so I turn inward.

something i’ve been saying often to J is, “i feel like i either repeat over and over how much pain i am in,

or i say nothing at all and strictly normalize my pain... and then i come to a breaking point and just can’t stop talking about it.”

why don’t we normalize that chronic pain is REAL, and know that it’s okay to hurt, but it’s also not okay to stay there.

i have found that by the end of my work week, the throbbing makes its way to the front of my attention, my brain has a time limit before i shut down, and the hips ‘irk’ like a rusty ol’ bike, wanting to be used for good but needing oil upon oil upon oil… and i’ve found my “oil” this winter, i’ve had to.

healing is a passion of mine, and this is only a speck of why i long for it. not just for myself, not just for my family, and not just for my future generations… but for the good of a combination and a passion of and for them all.